The Pretty Thirty

"Do you think it's too early for a serious subject?" 

It was 8 a.m., an old friend said hello through the on-line messenger. The last time I saw him was around six months ago, we bumped into each other in a book store an talked for 5 minutes. But long time ago, ten years ago in college, we used to be quite close friends. We did some projects together and we had loads of discussion, which of course, at that age, evolve around exams and our dream career, sometimes love life. 

"If there's any perfect timing for serious subject, it would be in the morning," I replied. "When people just had their first cup of coffee thus they're less cranky. Shoot."

"How would you think of a 30 years old guy like me who is still single?"

I almost joked around and say "Gay" but I was, gladly, wise enough to stop myself from hurting my already stressed out and not gay friend. Instead, I told him that "wise" and "brave" would be my impression. He liked my answer and commented that I was being really positive, I laughed at his statement, "If I can't be positive about a 30 years old man who is still single, how would I look at myself as the 30 years old woman who is still single?"

Apparently some of his colleagues had "analyzed" him as either "being picky" or "having too much too consider". They successfully made him think that: (1) He would be a better person when he's married, and (2) He would have more strength to face every challenges in life which would be more and more difficult in time, when he's married.

To which I laughed, briefly, a lot less than what those ridiculous statements deserved. Told him that first of all, we SHOULD be the best version of ourselves at any time, either we're married or not. Second of all, if we want to be religious and talk about "life challenges" here, aren't we supposed to believe that God does not impose on any self any more than it can bear? It means, we must have enough within us to face any challenges given to us, again, either we’re married or not.

Despite the fact that it's 2012, the era of open minded and free spirited people, our society could still be a bit mean to people like us: 30 (or older) and not married. There must be something wrong with us and we need help. We need guidance.

The thing is: No, some of us don’t need help because we are not lost nor wrong. Yes we’re being picky and we weigh our options, but that is just because we know how much we’re worth, what we deserve and the true meaning of taking responsibility. We’ve learned enough that even just a small mundane project needs planning, let alone life. We also see that while it’s important to find a teammate to play the game of life, there must be something more to our existence.

But then again, if we wish them to understand and respect our decision, we must, too, understand and respect their point of view. There’s nothing we can do about it, it just happen to be that each of us have our own mindset, our own decision, our own way. It’s our life after all. Happiness would feel greater and pain would be more bearable, if they’re caused by our own decision, not others.

Besides, there are still an awfully lot of other scenarios worse than being single in our 30s. Being in an unhappy marriage in our 30s is one, being a junkie and broke in our 30s, being a criminal in our 30s ...

J

Seriously. Let them talk, but listen wisely. If anything, that’s what us the 30s should be really good at.