Saturday, December 25, 2010

It's Christmas!

They said magic happens at Christmas. Twice for me. I managed not to feel anything else other than: happy.

No over analysing, no questioning.

Thanks, Boss.

Soekarno-Hatta, 6am. My fave kind of coffee, our conversation in my mind.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

smart answers for smart questions

"Jangan mengajukan pertanyaan bodoh kalau kamu tidak mau mendapatkan jawaban yang bodoh."

Aku menutup kalimat itu dengan geraman kesal, "Kamu adalah manusia paling judgemental yang pernah ada di muka bumi, tau nggak?"

"Aren't we all are?" jawabmu tenang.

"Well, you are the WORST! Kamu dengan tenang melontarkan kalimat itu sesaat setelah kamu menjawab pertanyaan mahasiswa kamu yang malang itu, CRUEL! Orang lain nggak akan mengucapkan hal seperti itu, walaupun mungkin mereka punya pemikiran yang sama!"

"Itu berarti mereka munafik." kau tersenyum. TERSENYUM! Bisa-bisanya kau tersenyum, "Kamu lebih suka dinner sama orang judgmental atau orang munafik?"

"Itu namanya bukan munafik, itu namanya beradab!"

"Potato Potaahto, kamu belum sadar juga apa 'beradab' sama 'munafik' itu nggak beda jauh."

"Jawab aja terus!" semburku kesal. "Cuma karena kamu nggak mau 'munafik' bukan berarti kamu boleh nggak 'beradab' dan menyakiti seseorang seenak jidat, tau!"

"Duh, itu bedanya tipis banget, Dinda. Garis yang memisahkan antara 'beradab' dan 'munafik' itu tipis banget..." kau pura-pura berkeluh kesah, aku tahu, hanya supaya aku berhenti ngomel.

"Well find it! Kalau kamu cukup pinter untuk bisa menarik garis antara pinter dan gila, kamu harus bisa narik garis antara 'beradab' dan 'munafik." tandasku.

"Siap bu."

"And 'stupid question' doesn't exist!" tambahku. "Orang kalau emang nggak tau ya boleh aja dong nanya, itu hak mereka. Kalau kamu nggak mau jawab ya terserah kamu, tapi jangan jadi sok iye dan duduk disana memilah-milah mana pertanyaan bodoh, dan mana pertanyaan pintar...Jangan sombong jadi orang! Masih banyak yang lebih pinter dari kamu tau nggak?"

"Iya." kau mengangguk. "In my defense, she didn't even realize that I was talking about her."

"Oh, here's a smart question for you, mister: jadi kenyataan bahwa seseorang nggak menyadarinya, sudah menjadi pembenaran yang cukup buat kamu nyakitin dia?"

Kau tidak bisa menjawabku karena handphonemu berbunyi. Kau menungguku mengangguk memberikan izin untuk mengangkatnya sebelum bicara dengan seseorang diseberang sana, "Halo ma? Iya, Papa udah beres ngajar tapi harus dinner dulu sama tamu dari Belanda, jadi pulang telat. Ga pa-pa ya?"

There. Pertanyaan pintarku diberi jawaban pintar dengan cara yang sangat pintar.

Lalu kau menutup telefon dan bertanya, "Where were we?"

Aku menggeleng, "No, forget it."

Kamu menggenggam tanganku dan berkata, "Look, I'm sorry if I crossed the line. It won't happen again, I promise."

Aku mengangguk.

"The wife wants me to be home before 11, so we better hurry. You wanna go to that Italian restaurant near the canal?"

Aku mengangguk, memejamkan mata waktu kau mencium keningku, dan tidak menjawab "I love you" mu.

...jadi kenyataan bahwa seseorang nggak menyadarinya, sudah menjadi pembenaran yang cukup buat kamu nyakitin dia?

Manchester, June 5, 2009

Saturday, December 11, 2010


Busses, cars, motorcycles, people. People walking on pavements, people sitting on benches, people chatting over the noisy sound of Jakarta.


Traffic jam, humid weather, the obvious taste of polution as you breath in. The odd mixture of hope and despair, tears and laughter, beginning-and whatever comes after. That warmth you long for never get to reach your heart before you have to let go: exhale.

You hear those steps, you chant those plans: your many dreams, a reality and ones in between. Those uncertainties that you couldn't count... Red, yellow and green.

Green light, the miniature of what we're all looking for: Chances. In a place where almost every soul stabs each other, careless. Beautiful skin, wonderful face, crunchy voices, heartless.

[Yet in this corner I still love.

Perfect enough, perfect enough.]

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Cause I Know That You Feel Me Somehow

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

8 Glasses/day

To keep this pain away.

It sounds so easy now when I'm screwed because I didn't do so. So dear friends, really. Just take 8 glasses of clear water every day because you don't wanna experience this, believe me you. (and by 'this' I meant fever, antibiotics, ER and on top everything: THE pain)

So silly. All you have to do is: drink enough water.

Oh and toilet seat cleaner.

*literally sobbing*

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Weekend: when we pretend that nothing's wrong with our life

I was driving my K├╝belwagen with a friend who talked of how much he loves weekend.

I strangely remember that particular moment for years after. Did some observations and found facts to support my friend's opinion, people actually look forward to weekends. It's when they woke up at nine without any guilty feelings (or swear "Fuck I'm late, for that matter). It's when they take their children to have fun, wherever that is. It's when they arrange Sunday barbecue and beers. Ladies go to beauticians, gentlemen go to the gym or game centre or golf park (rolling my eyes right there). It's when they go and spend hours of reading in the park, or hours of shopping in malls. It's when they read their favorite books, and update their blogs.

Hell it's when they would held their weddings.

I guess one of the reasons why I remember that conversation is the fact that all I could think about as he talked was one particular question: how could anyone speaks so highly about weekend?

A good friend once said "Most people spend their weekend to pretend that nothing's wrong with their life."

It took me years to become a true weekend lover myself. I believe that now I know how my friend felt back then.

I also believe that he did not like his job too much. Because having thoughts about it, I realized that the only different thing in my life back then was how much I loved what I was doing. I didn't care even if I had to do it on my weekends.

Which tells a lot about how I see my current job.

Yes, I know.